dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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