I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is my gift to your gina
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
