I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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