Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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