Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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