Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
