I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
