The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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