i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize