she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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