I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
