one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
