Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
