remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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