I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this will be a night to untag.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
