Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
