I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
