Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
