Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
