Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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