I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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