what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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