Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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