i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
