I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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