I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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