I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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