Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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