I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize