I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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