So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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