I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
