um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
