Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
