Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
