He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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