I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
