just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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