I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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