piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
