one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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