Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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