i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
