We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
