I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
