If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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