I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
