Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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