Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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