If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
