You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
