Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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