Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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