my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
