Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
