How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
