then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
