He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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