true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
