So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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