Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
