yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
