I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
